Brian and I decided to start Fostering in 2018. Brian had grown up around fostered children as his parents have been fostering for thirty years, so he always knew that one day he would become a Foster Parent.
We went straight to By the Bridge with Cambian because we had heard about their good reputation through the fostering background in Brian’s family and both of us felt that we had the qualities required.
Brian is a Sergeant in the Army, currently training military personnel in Legislation, Policy and Quality Assurance and I’ve enjoyed working in the Service Sector and being a Mother.
We discussed the prospect of fostering with our birth daughter Emily*, to make sure that she was on board with it, and luckily, she was just as excited as we were at the prospect.
We found the process with By the Bridge to be surprisingly smooth, yet thorough, as they needed to know a great deal of detail about our lives. This felt strange at first but it’s important to ensure you know what you’re getting into and helps to establish your suitability from the outset.
The whole process took around four to five months to get to the Approval panel, but once we were approved, it wasn’t long before By the Bridge had placed a teenager with us. She remained with us for 3 months and we were proud to have been part of the journey to successfully reunite her with her birth Mum.
Soon after, a sibling group was placed with us and, a year and half on, we can honestly say that the brother and sister siblings are like our own children and we have all formed an amazing bond.
Brian has been able to study for (and pass) the By the Bridge Certificate in Therapeutic Fostering (CTF) course within a year of us becoming Foster Parents, which brought a lot of useful therapeutic knowledge into the family and enabled us to put his learning into practise with our parenting.
The CTF course helped us to understand that there is a reason for all types of behaviour and that the pain that children feel can sometimes be healed with a mixture of love, care and understanding.
As the main Foster Parent, I also attend regular supervision group meetings where there is always someone to turn to if we have any questions.
As a result of this training and support, we’ve been able to transform anxious, uncommunicative teenagers into smiley and co-operative young people who feel a sense of self-respect and can, for the first time ever, finally see a future for themselves.
There’s no denying that it hasn’t always been plain sailing: one of our older children came with a range of behavioural issues, fears and habits, related to the trauma he’d unfortunately lived through, but we worked together as a family to ensure he experienced all the stages he missed out on in childhood.
We learnt early on in our journey that we needed to adapt to the children’s lives; not just emotionally but also practically. For example, we designated some under-utilised space, to provide our siblings with separate play/entertainment areas for gaming, dancing, music and watching videos - giving them the freedom to develop their social skills whilst in a safe and controlled environment.
In addition to all the support and training By the Bridge have given us, they also put on regular events and activities for children in the school holidays, which also gives Foster Parents a chance to socialise and share parenting ideas. The organisation also caters for birth children, making them feel just as included as the foster children, which we find amazing.
Recently, another teenage boy has been placed with us and the two boys and the two girls (including our birth daughter) have bonded tremendously well. We ensure that all our four children have fun and enriching life experiences. We love to take them on holidays abroad, day trips, bowling, eating out, shopping and to the cinema. They are all members of different clubs, specific to their own individual hobbies and interests and we like to encourage them to live every day to the full.
In a fostering role every day is different and helping to shape the lives of children to give them the best chances in life, is a joy and a privilege. If you like the idea of providing a haven for children who have been deprived of the opportunity to grow and develop as they should, and you’d like to change lives for the better, this could be as perfect for you as it is for us.
Brian and I have found fostering to be an enjoyable and rewarding experience. There are times when it can be challenging and you need understanding and patience but the end result is always worth it. Thankfully, we’ve never felt overwhelmed or alone since fostering with By the Bridge as we’ve always been able to contact our Link Worker, Richard, who has been fantastic.
*names have been changed to protect children and young people's identity
Could you become a Foster Parent and change a young person's life? Get in Touch with By the Bridge today!
